The weekend and week of my grandma’s funeral was crazy to say the least. On Friday I discovered I would be making an unexpected trip because my grandma was dying and it was sure that there would soon be a funeral. I left along with Dad, Mom, Kendra, Darren, and Travis on Saturday morning at around 2:40 a.m.
It’s somewhere around eighteen hours to West Virginia where my grandparents live and we got there around 9:30 that evening. I hadn’t slept better than I expected in the van but I was feeling really tired. I think it was partially due to previous sleep deprivation.
We left after the funeral on Tuesday and drove through the night once again. I was extremely exhausted by the time the trip was over because sleep was far from abundant during the the entire trip.
As I thought about the whole thing Friday night before I left I was feeling a little sorry for myself. My spring break that I had carefully planned, which involved snowboarding the first part of the week and recuperating the last part of the week, was now going to be completely opposite of what I had planned. I was going to get school work done after I came back from Colorado and then spend the weekend and my parents’ house in Hutchinson. Bummer.
I knew inside that I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. Even before I knew that my friends would kindly change some plans to move the snowboarding trip to the end of the week so I could go along, there was no question in my mind that I would go to the funeral. It wasn’t so much that I would miss snowboarding so badly. It was more the fact that I had my week planned out and that it was going to be completely the opposite of restful. I do remember thinking how nice it was that it was over spring break and that I would not have to get a substitute teacher or anything like that. Thanks, God.
I knew all these things. But that didn’t really change how I felt. I tried to stay optimistic, however, and let God make good stuff out of it.
When I got there, of course, I felt even more stupid for feeling sorry for myself and my little spring break after realizing that some of my relatives had had there entire routine completely obliterated by my grandmother’s sudden turn for the worse. They had spent a good part of two weeks without even getting a decent night of sleep. Normal life pretty much ceased for that time as they dedicated time and energy to making her comfortable and just spending time with her. They were worn ragged. I hope God blesses them a lot for their sacrifices.
I could go into more detail, but that’s not my point. What I’m trying to say is that we often have these little plans, or big plans, that are very important to us. We act like we are the ones running the show and that if those plans get messed up, it’s crime and injustice. It’s not.
I think if we’d spend a little more time in the now, and not spend so much time making big brazen plans for the future. We might not be so devastated when our stuff doesn’t materialize. Don’t get me wrong. We are humans. We dream. We dream big. It shouldn’t keep us from dreaming big. It should just inform us of the reality that it might not be God’s plan for those dreams to materialize, so that if He does close the door on dream, we aren’t pushing and beating on it with our little fists, throwing a little tantrum because we are sure that we deserved having that dream realized.
It’s interesting because, in the week leading up to this stuff, I realized that my spring break might very well not be what I expected it to be. I was kind of preparing myself for it, to be honest. I was scrolling through my Twitter feed one day and I came across a very brilliant quote by C.S. Lewis:
“The truth is, what we call interruptions are precisely our real life, the life God is sending us day by day.” ~C.S. Lewis
What a concept, yet one I forget on an almost daily basis. Why should I feel slighted when things don’t go my way? God had this stuff planned to fulfill His purposes before the world began. I think maybe that was at least one or two years before I planned what I would do on my spring break.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with making plans. Just make your plans bearing in mind the fact that God might have something else. Even if your plans are really brilliant, I think His will be better.